Proper Discipline
Discipline Should Never Be Fear.
Please, don’t ever hit your child. Not only is it abusive, but it models aggressive and violent behavior, teaching your child that it’s the way to solve future problems.
“Spare the rod and spoil the child” and similar phrases, wrongly interpreted to support physical discipline, has led to countless children, from impoverished households to some of the wealthiest communities in the United States, to wind up on the streets.
Raising happy, successful and responsible children is best taught through sanctions and incentives.
Set reasonable expectations for your child and communicate it to him or her clearly. To attend school regularly, study and complete all homework assignments to the best of his or her ability, be polite and respectful, do assigned household chores, and more.
Positive Reinforcement
Rewards Build Confidence.
When your child meets your expectations, that’s where incentives and rewards kick in.
It could be as simple as your child’s favorite candy, taking your child out for a special dinner, a day at the mall or online shopping with you, a salon visit, tickets to a sporting event or concert that you approve, and more.
Whatever the incentives, they should be age appropriate. Make sure activities are supervised by you or other responsible adults and that you know who is going.
We don't support allowances unless dollars are specifically allocated with parental approval. The goal can't just be money in your child's pocket.
Studies have shown unallocated dollars significantly increase the risk of alcohol and drug abuse.
Also, when it comes to incentives, remember love, praise, and applause go a long way.
Fair Consequences
Discipline Should Teach, Not Shame.
Sanctions for failing to meet your expectations should be reasonable. Don’t punish a child for poor school performance if s/he is living up to his or her full potential.
Consequences should also be predictable, so that the child understands your expectations and what constitutes bad behavior, fair, and consistently applied. A lesson is not learned if you “make an exception this time.”
If possible, try to tailor sanctions to meet a specific goal and build upon the child’s strengths.
For instance, if your child cuts class, don’t keep them home from school, but rather have them do additional reading after school and provide you with a written or oral report of what was read.
Or, if you are not doing it already, make them complete their homework with you in the evenings.
Additional examples of sanctions include restricting phone, computer and television privileges, increasing chores at home, taking away games for a set period of time, grounding them, taking away an allocated allowance, or changing a curfew.
Above all, no matter how upset you are, resist the temptation to shame, demean, or belittle your child.