What Supervision Means
Learning From Real Experience.
When it comes to parental supervision, we turned to Carl A. Bartol, an attorney and former juvenile prosecutor for 25 years in Yonkers, New York, the third largest city in NYS.
Carl has a unique perspective, having spent three years in his younger days as a direct care worker in a maximum-security facility for youth, and close to 10 years working his way through college, graduate school and law school as a field investigator for NYS, an insurance company and as a private eye.
As a prosecutor, Carl handled thousands of cases over the course of his career, the majority child on child, including criminally negligent homicides, rapes, robberies, shootings, stabbings and gang assaults.
He successfully tried hundreds of them, more than all other attorneys in his former unit combined, was promoted twice and likely only stopped from taking over the unit by sheer politics.
At one time, Carl ran the now dissolved Prevent Delinquency Project, where he and other volunteers met with parent groups in person and taught them what to look for to keep their children safe.
Here’s an example of handout material Carl compiled with the aid of a renowned commercial illustrator, Steve Gray, to help parents start talking to young children about the dangers of gangs.
Background & Sources
A Lifetime Of Child Safety Work.
Carl has been published extensively, including in Our Children, the magazine of the National Parent Teacher Association; PI Magazine, a trade journal for private investigators; Westchester Family; and mentioned in Juvenile Justice, a Guide to Theory, Policy, and Practice, 7th Edition, a leading college textbook.
Carl’s Prevent Delinquency Project was also referenced as a credible source in several FBI Law Enforcement Bulletins, including an April 1, 2012 article on diversion safes, at a time when they were not well known to law enforcement or parents.
View FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin Reference
To us, Carl A. Bartol is a true child safety lawyer. He has spent a lifetime trying to keep kids safe.
When Carl shut down his Prevent Delinquency Project a few years ago, which he paid for out of his own pocket and never sought outside funding for, he inadvertently let the corresponding domain name, preventdelinquency.org, expire. It was then registered by someone else, for whatever purpose.
Carl wanted us to tell you that he has no association with the current domain name owner or website. It’s a shame, but the Internet can be like the Wild West at times.
We share Carl’s view that his F.A.M.I.L.Y. Model of Parental Supervision, conceived over 23-years-ago, is still relevant and applicable today and asked him to use it. The basics of parenting never change. Carl has granted parents and groups permission to share this copyrighted (TXU001117060) material freely, provided it is not used for profit and you kindly cite YourChildSafe.com as the source. We’re trying to reach as many parents as we can.
F.A.M.I.L.Y. Model
What Supervision Really Means.
Familiarize yourself with the threats against your children.
Ensuring the health and safety of your children requires early intervention when issues arise. If you are unable to recognize the "red flags" of a problem that exists, immediate corrective action is not possible. Do you know what it suggests if your teenager sucks on baby pacifiers, what drug is commonly transported in a water bottle, or which sportswear and designer clothing are used by gangs to identify their members?
Accept that all children need supervision and guidance.
By virtue of their age, children lack the knowledge, maturity of judgment, and experience of adults. Just because a child has a high grade-point average in school doesn’t mean s/he is capable of making major life decisions, or resisting the negative influence of peers. Don't mistakenly confuse physical with emotional development either. Your 12-year-old son or daughter may look 18, but s/he is still a child inside.
Monitor the activities of your children.
Parents have a responsibility to know where their children are at all times, who they are with and what they are up to. This requires setting guidelines for children to follow, including limits on their behavior and expectations. Sanctions and incentives are important in enforcing boundaries. Know all of your child's friends and work together with their parents. Verify what your children are up to.
Investigate anything that may be suspicious.
Adopt a balanced approach to parenting. The level of your intervention should correlate with the severity of the situation. Be careful not to become accusatory in tone, or you may destroy the bond that exists between you and your children. Trust is critical. Some matters require only a basic inquiry, like calling the parent of your child's friend to confirm their whereabouts. Other issues, such as suspected gang membership, substance abuse, reckless sexual practices, or running away from home, represent imminent threats to your child's well-being and warrant more invasive measures. Resist the temptation to confront your children with what you find. Instead, approach them with love and support.
Listen to your children and learn from them.
You know your children better than anyone else. Be observant and receptive to them. Learn to recognize what makes your children happy or sad, when things are going well, or when something is wrong. Listen, understand, and support them. Above all, treat your children with respect. Always be available for them and they will come to you with their problems.
Yearn to help your children when problems arise.
Put the interests of your children before your own. Don't be selfish. Remember, this isn't about you; it's about helping them. Disregard what your friends, colleagues, or neighbors might think. Feelings of embarrassment or humiliation waste precious time that you could be using to seek out appropriate treatment and services for your children. Ignoring the problem will only place them at greater risk.