Step One
Put Your Mask On First.
Anyone who has traveled on a commercial aircraft knows that if the cabin loses pressure and the oxygen masks deploy, you have to put your mask on first before you put one on your child.
It goes without saying that if you lose consciousness you won’t be available to keep your child safe. Parenting follows the same principle.
One of our collective grew up in the 1980's in a tony New York village - one of the richest in the United States. Yet despite that seeming advantage, our member suffered abuse and neglect as a child that led to immeasurable feelings of hopelessness and despair.
S/he was friends with other similarly situated children, from the same and surrounding communities, who spent their days hanging out at a local river and their nights in the South Bronx buying illicit substances.
At some point, heroin took hold of most of them. They turned to petty crime to feed their addictions and risked their lives every day, on the streets and through self-destruction.
One died of an overdose just out of his teens, another went to prison and a few eventually found their way out of their shared misery. Socioeconomic status does not shield a child from harm. Good parenting does.
Hard Truths
What Happens Behind Closed Doors.
The stories we’ve heard from our member of shared experiences, both at home and on the streets of the South Bronx, are so horrific we’ve encouraged him or her to write a book about it, to no avail.
But one thing s/he will share publicly is the common theme that shaped the lives of these child victims.
While their parents were doctors, lawyers, business owners and other so-called pillars of their communities, behind closed doors many were alcoholics, addicted to prescription medications and unstable individuals who subjected their children to physical, mental and emotional abuse.
A few were simply neglectful parents who failed to address the needs of their children early on, when a lot of suffering could have been avoided, out of denial, shame or concern for what their friends would think.
Look Inward
Help Yourself First.
If you suffer from alcoholism, substance abuse or strained relationships that exposes your child to constant arguing and instability, emotional abuse and/or physical abuse at home, you cannot keep your child safe, until you address your own issues.
Look inward. Help yourself. Be the solution, not part of the problem.
Children need to feel safe and secure. Your home should be your child’s sanctuary, a stable escape from the stressors of the outside world. Your child should always be made to feel that s/he is loved and belongs to something truly special.
If your child doesn’t feel safe and secure, or that s/he belongs at home, s/he will seek out others facing the same private hell. Misery enjoys company.